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This drives me mad. I used to work in a bookstore, and was talking to my coworker and he just yelled out “stop flirting with me!” at this ridiculous volume and it was humiliating because
1. I wasn’t
2. I got in trouble for acting unprofessional
3. He embarrassed me in front of a line of people
4. And he only stopped insisting that I was flirting when my boyfriend (who is now my husband) said, “dude, trust me, she’s not flirting with you” to him
That asshole respected my BOYFRIEND saying I wasn’t flirting more than he respected me saying it and I was the one who was talking! The whole scene got me in trouble at work. And the most ridiculous part is we were talking about a fucking book. In a bookstore.
One time, my ex boyfriend had a crush on some girl, and said that he thought he might have “a chance” with her.
When I asked him what made him think that, he said “Well, she talks to me.”
Can we also add that this is why a lot of women do the resting bitch face when out in public. Cause dudes swear a glance or a smile is flirting.
So yesterday something that perfectly illustrates this happened. I work at a fast food place and this guy comes in at 7am on a Sunday, still probably drunk from the night before, and when I smiled and said goodmorning he said “Did you just say that because you’re being paid to say that?”
I repressed my urge to sarcastically answer, and said “Nope, I just enjoy saying hi to everyone!” To which he responded, “Oh, so you weren’t flirting with me then.”
Dude, I’m not flirting with your gross 7am-on-a-Sunday-ass, trust me.
My defense mechanism when I’m uncomfortable at work is to smile, so I did that and said “Is there anything I can get you this morning?” to which he responded,
“There, you just smiled! What does that mean?”
At this point I was fed up, so I said,
“I smile at everyone sir, its just what I do. What can I get you, coffee, a bagel?”
And he said “I’m gonna be watching to see if you smile at everyone. I don’t like it when girls lie to me” and then ordered a coffee and a muffin like he hadn’t just said something at 11 on the “Is this guy a serial rapist” scale (where 0 is ‘no’ and 10 is ‘Yes, run away as fast as you can right now.”).
Then he sat there for another hour and a half, staring at me from his table. When he got up and left he came back to the counter, and said “You do smile at everyone. That’s fucked up.” and walked out.
I can’t even be innocuously polite and pleasant to people at my job (where customer service is the number one thing we are supposed to be focusing on) for fear of this shit happening. What happens if he had decided to wait until my shift was over?
New Rule: If she’s at work, SHE’S NOT FLIRTING WITH YOU.
Guys, stop bothering women while they’re working. You’re just being annoying. People have jobs to do that aren’t related to you, and the world doesn’t revolve around your fragile, desperate egos.
and please don’t ask us when we get off. It sends the creep alarm all the way off.
Here’s my story: I was in a bookstore as a customer, with my partner. I went to the counter to ask for a book and my partner trailed along behind me. The guy tells me where I can find it and as I walk away to get it he says to my partner “did you see that hot chick flirting with me, I’m gonna hit that later” to which my partner replied “that’s my fucking wife.”
Asking you to do your job is not flirting.
One time at work I found out that a male coworker thought I was “in love” with him. I literally just had conversations with him like I would with all my other coworkers. But no, apparently that meant I must be in love with him. I don’t understand why guys think that being civil is flirting?? Every time I have been friends with a guy there is always a point when they’ll either ask me “are you flirting with me?” or “do you have a crush on me??”. Why do you assume that just because I’m treating you like a human being then I MUST want to jump your bones. Your egos need to calm the fuck down tbh.
When I was a barista as Starbucks I constantly had guys taking drinks and giving me a creepy smile or asking if I made it special for them.
Trust me dude, your half-caf vanilla latte is no more special than the person behind you.
This is such a long post but YES. I got this for 10 years and retail. You’re trained to smile and be polite. You HAVE to or you get in trouble. The amount of dudes that have mistaken that for flirting… Boggles the mind.
DO NOT. CHAT UP. WOMEN. WHEN THEY’RE WORKING.

DO NOT.

DO. NOT.

because let me tell you something. best case scenario, you’re making her uncomfortable. worst case, you’re scaring the shit out of her.

I’ve been harassed and stalked so many times in my retail career it’s unreal. after the worst incident, I got special permission to wear a false nametag from then on.

I was stalked by a man I spoke to once. two sentences. I greeted him on entering the store and asked if he needed anything. he read my nametag and asked for my number. my male coworker tagged in and let me go stock the backroom until he left.
weird, but seemed harmless enough.
until he called the store every day to ask if I was working.
and asked repeatedly for my schedule, claiming to be my boyfriend. he happened to have the same first name as the guy I was seeing at the time.

thankfully, this had happened to enough women across the company that disclosing a coworkers schedule over the phone to anyone other than that coworker, even if it was one of their family members, was a fireable offense. so no one ever did it.
he kept at it for SIX. MONTHS.
I transferred to another store. he didn’t believe my coworkers when he was told that I didn’t work there anymore, including new hires who had never even met me and knew me only as ‘the girl who used to work here whose stalker won’t stop calling.’ he got hostile. came by and confronted my friend Dave, who had been my supervisor when we worked in the same location and who had been there during my first and only in-person contact with my stalker.
thankfully, Dave is a very good actor.
he told my stalker, tearfully, that I really had transferred to another store. in the city. and that a few days after starting at my new store, I was tragically hit by a bus while walking to work and had passed away.

the daily phone calls finally stopped after that.

I had to FAKE MY DEATH to get away from this fucker. who I had greeted once. because it was my job.

this happens to women in retail often enough that some national companies have guidelines on handing these situations right in the orientation handbook.

hell, our store even had a special ‘I need help but I can’t make a scene because I would be endangering myself’ code. SARA. Send Assistance Right Away. if someone on the sales floor asked a question about ‘sara’ (ex: ‘hey, is sara working today?’) that meant call security and get to that coworker ASAP.

she is being paid to be nice to you.

the only reason she isn’t calling you a creep and telling you to leave is that she is so dependent on her job that she’s weighing her options: is he more of a danger to me than my loss of income would be if I got fired for telling him off?
This is unreal.
No this is too real
agreed. this is one thing i know too well from personal experience and even thinking about it I get so mad I could jump someone
Sorry, this is going to be long.
I was on the verge of getting a fake wedding band to wear to work at my first library job because fuckers would not stop bothering me. Literally every single day I would have multiple dudes approach the reference desk to ask me if I was married, if I was single, what time my shift ended, etc. The thing about working reference in that particular library was that our desk was separate from the collection, or main desk. I was halfway across the library from the main desk, and I was often there alone in the evenings. The two hubs don’t look across from each other, so the other librarians at the collection desk literally couldn’t even see me from their stations. So, dudes took that as an opportunity to take advantage of the captive audience, namely me.

One guy in particular got into the habit of coming in daily to sit at the table directly across from my desk. He would sit there and watch me. All. Shift. Just stare at me. Occasionally he would get up and come to the desk to ask me a question, but it was always just bullshit – any excuse to talk to me. He was constantly finding reasons to talk to me, and asked me out multiple times. When I said no, it was always, “Oh, why not… you don’t like me? Why don’t you like me? Just let me take you out, you never know…”
Eventually it got so bad that my boss created scheduled “check in times” for me. She would pick up the phone at her station and call me, saying she needed me to come “check in” for a while. This gave me a reason to leave my desk and get away from this creep. Of course, it also meant I wasn’t at my station doing my job. But when it was quiet and not too busy in the library was when he most liked to bug me, so this helped a little.
When it *really* got bad was when he started calling my desk phone to talk to me. He would go outside the library and call me from his cell phone. (Naturally, I *had* to answer). He would call me from his phone from home when he was *wasn’t* in the library, but he knew I was working. (I worked regular hours, so it didn’t take him long to figure out my schedule from observation.)
People ask, “Well, why didn’t you just ban this dude from the library - he was obviously harassing you and your boss knew about it.” Yeah, we can’t. It’s illegal. Unless someone is breaking the law, you can’t ban them from being in the library. It’s a public space. And *technically* this guy wasn’t breaking any laws. And he knew that. He always stopped just short. He wasn’t stupid.
I was so thankful to leave that job when the time came, not because it was a bad job (quite the opposite!) but because of this fucking dude (and again, he wasn’t the only one, just the worst offender). Every day I lived in fear that it was going to be the day he decided to wait by my car after closing time and jump me. All my co-workers knew about it. We all walked to our cars together at the end of the night for safety. But we were 10, (mostly older) women. What could any of us really have done if he wanted to hurt me, or any of us? I’m young and pretty tough, but could I have fought him off? Maybe. Probably not though. Especially not if he had a weapon.
I just… it is so disgusting to me how much this sort of thing goes on. And men just… they have no idea what we have to put up with on a daily basis. They really don’t. And I am so grateful to the ones who are willing to listen and believe our stories. There are a lot of great guys out there, and I’m thankful for them. But to the ones who don’t behave like this, like the guys in these stories, and don’t believe it goes on, or don’t believe it goes on as much as we say it does… y’all need to wake the fuck up and start believing us. This shit is RAMPANT and it is a real problem, a constant stressor, and a very real danger for women everywhere.
men think being nice is flirting because they are viciously unkind to anyone they don’t want to fuck
i never reblog long posts but this shit pisses me off. at my last job i got harassed by men (old men mostly) to the point where i almost bought a binder for myself cause they actually thought i was showing off with my boobs always bouncing. like sir i have a D cup and i’m rushing around the restaurant i am not flirting.
this other guy talked to me ONE TIME and then when he came back a week later he asked why i haven’t looked him up on facebook yet despite me not even knowing who he was. additionally, i was taking the trash out to the dumpster one night and it’s SUPER DARK back there. i had one big, drunk dude FOLLOW me back there and he started getting handsy and kissing me because i smiled at him when he came into the door earlier.
i have more stories but fucking hell somebody please stop men

See, that’s what the app is perfect for.

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